Rhyan and I met Jax and Lillah in preschool. Rhyan and Lillah became best friends immediately. They were both dancers and loved to play with their dolls. Even though she was the same age as my sister she always had my attention and from that young age I called her my girlfriend. She however, didn't care for that label or any other label that people put on her as years went on. She paid attention to me when she wanted something or when she was bored. Most of the time it was both. She was always so bored, so reckless and so manipulative. She needed danger, she craved it, and while post people said she was a free spirit it was just a nice way for them to say she was way too wild. If she ever got in trouble, she would bat her big blue eyes, and begin to work her magic on you. She was good, and she knew how to get what she wanted.
Rhyan, who is the most loyal person I know, didn't care about all of that. She loved Lillah, and defended her relentlessly. It was this loyalty that caught the attention of my best friend, and Lillah's older brother Jax. He and I didn't care for each other at first, but when some older kids were picking on our sisters we both came to their rescue, and tag-teamed their asses. From that moment, we were brothers. We did everything together, and usually that meant we were in some kind of trouble. We were so alike that many people often thought we were indeed related, or at least until they met our parents. Clay Morrow was your typical biker, and his wife, Jax and Lillah's mom Gemma, was the hard ass biker's tough old lady. They were hard core bad asses. Both had a criminal record and Clay was the Pres. of The Sons of Anarchy, a criminal organization under the guise of a motorcycle club, and they ran the town.
My parents, however, were the clean cut rich people. Wyatt and Susan Thatcher seemed like the perfect couple but under their lovely little masks was a deep pit of issues. My father was the adulterous, alcoholic, junkie who had everyone fooled. My mother, on the other hand, was the sweetest, most tolerant and kindhearted woman you would ever meet, but my father no longer cared for her or my sister and I. He lived his own life, so when our mother died, Lillah and Jax pulled us closer because they knew what we were going through. Their real father had died around the time that we met. Eventually, Rhyan found that Gemma and Clay welcomed her with open arms treating her like another daughter and me like another son, so she bound herself to them, Lillah, Jax and in turn, the club.
Jax, soon decided that he liked her, and from the time that she was 9 and he was 11, they were a couple. When they became pre-teens, they began to date on and off again. Jax didn't purposefully try to hurt her, but because he was raised around the club and he saw the way the men treated women- it formed the way he treated the women in his life despite his loyalty and devotion. Lillah was just the opposite. She was detached and a habitual liar. She cared nothing for most people, and those she did care for could rarely tell the difference in her affection. Yet, Rhyan and I stuck with her, and Jax took care of her. She was the promiscuous type, and lived her carefree lifestyle going after older men- even those within the club. This was our wonderful little fantastic four. Growing up in a world of crime, drugs, sex, alcohol, and motorcycles. We were just as much a part of them as they were of us.
4 YEARS AGO
There she stood right underneath the street light outside her step father's auto shop. She had her back against the tin siding, and a cigarette in her hand. Her long, messy, platinum blonde hair hung in her face. Black clad, ripped fishnets, and worn out combat boots; typical. I stood at the entrance of the lot, hidden by the fence, just watching her. I loved the fluidity of her movements, and the ferocity that made her blue eyes shine. Looking at her you wouldn't believe she was only 13, because she possessed a maturity not only in looks but in action as well. She was a slut. Plain and simple. Just recently she had slept with a prospect who was trying to patch in to the club, and Jax caught her and beat the shit out of the guy. Who then in return got Jax sent to Juvi for assault and fled town. Since I knew what she did and the experience she had, I had one goal. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Especially considering that I had gained a lot of my own experience.
After having watched and waited until her cigarette was almost gone I finally stepped out from behind the fence and began making my way down the long entrance to the shop. I passed the line of parked Harleys and I knew immediately that tonight the Sons were having a meeting. She looked up at me, dropped her cigarette on the ground crushing it with her boot. Glaring, she made her way to me.
"What the hell Owen?! Where the fuck have you been?" She demanded.
I just grinned and shrugged. Then we heard deep, bellowing laughter and whoops and hollers seeping through the walls of the clubhouse.
"Shit!" She yelled, running toward a ladder on the side of the building. "Hurry up asshole. Do you want them to catch us?"
I still said nothing, and followed her up the ladder to the roof. You could see the entire compound from there, and as the Crows and Crow-Eaters came pouring out of the clubhouse, we sat in silence.
After having watched and waited until her cigarette was almost gone I finally stepped out from behind the fence and began making my way down the long entrance to the shop. I passed the line of parked Harleys and I knew immediately that tonight the Sons were having a meeting. She looked up at me, dropped her cigarette on the ground crushing it with her boot. Glaring, she made her way to me.
"What the hell Owen?! Where the fuck have you been?" She demanded.
I just grinned and shrugged. Then we heard deep, bellowing laughter and whoops and hollers seeping through the walls of the clubhouse.
"Shit!" She yelled, running toward a ladder on the side of the building. "Hurry up asshole. Do you want them to catch us?"
I still said nothing, and followed her up the ladder to the roof. You could see the entire compound from there, and as the Crows and Crow-Eaters came pouring out of the clubhouse, we sat in silence.
After a few moments of watching the Sons party it up, Lillah reached around me and grabbed a box sitting nearby. I knew by the sound of clinking glass that the box contained alcohol of some sort. She must have stolen it from the clubhouse bar. They would never miss it, and she knew that. She then opened it up, pulled out a few forties and a small wooden case that looked similar to a cigar box.
"Now this," She said holding the wooden box up,"This is the real party right here."
She unlatched the little gold hook that held it together, and inside was half a key of coke already in bags. I knew it was Colombian pure, because of who her stepfather, Clay, did business with.
"Where the fuck did you get that?!" I yelled.
"Shut up! What's wrong with you?! Do you want them to hear?" She looked down at all of the men running around in their leather cuts chasing the drunk, half-naked girls.
"Lie, won't Clay be pissed that you took that from him?" I whispered.
She just laughed. "What makes you think I stole this from Clay?"
I didn't understand. She began setting up her tray, and putting her drug of choice into lines.
"I got this from Galindo, and I'm gonna sell it." She bent down and did two lines. She leaned back, eyes closed, and let out a sigh of relief and ecstasy.
"And you're gonna help me. It's your turn." She stated.
I didn't object, because it hadn't been the first time I had helped her deal. Nor was it the first time she and I got high. We had been doing it for years, even before my mom died. I liked the thrill, and seeing the surprised looks on peoples faces when they say the two of us deal. Except now that my mom was dead, we did it a lot more often, dealing and getting high that is. I loved it. It gave me an edge, or so I thought.
So I did my two lines, and she pulled me in to kiss her. Somehow, I knew that tonight was the night.
ONE YEAR LATER....
Lillah and I had been dealing for the Galindo cartel. Splitting the profit off of everything we made with the cartel. We had no idea what we had gotten ourselves into until we had set up a meeting with our contact, Alvarez, who was a leader within the Galindo cartel, and the feds had caught wind of it. They came in guns blazing, and placed Lillah and I under arrest. The next thing I know, I was sitting in an interrogation room waiting for my father and his lawyer to arrive. Except my father wasn't the only one on his way to the sheriff's station... Clay was coming too. Suddenly the door flew open, and I immediately saw two familiar faces.
"Son of a bitch! You're blinded by that goth slut's pussy! You should've known better than to listen to Lillah!" He yelled as he entered the room.
"You little shit! What the hell were you thinking?" The smaller one scorned as his fist met my jaw.
I fell backwards into the concrete wall, and immediately police officers rushed into the room to pull my father away from me and prevent him from striking me again.
Clay, Jax and Lillah's step-dad, grabbed my father by the shirt collar.
"Wyatt, you fucking cunt, if you ever touch that boy again I will rip your testicles from your body with my bare hands. I don't give a shit if he is your "son," the boy is not your god-damn punching bag." He threatened and then looked at the officers.
"Get him the fuck outta here, and let me talk to Owen." He demanded.
The cops exchanged a look, escorted my father out of the room and into a holding cell because he was on a drunken tirade.
Clay made his way to me and helped me up. We both took a seat at the table in the middle of the room, facing each other. Clay rubbed his face with his hands and then looked at me.
"Fuck. You know that she pinned this all on you, right? She told those pigs out there that it was all your idea, and you forced her to help you."
"BITCH! That's a god-damn lie, Clay!" I stopped yelling and began to whisper. "She got that shit herself, and asked me to help her. You know good and fucking well that you can't force Lillah to do anything."
He laughed, "Shit, don't I know it. Look, Owen, even though your dad has a damn good lawyer... You still got caught and they are charging you with possession."
"What? You've gotta be joking..." I murmured putting my head down on the table.
"I'm sorry Owen, but they will probably send you to the same place as Jax, so you don't have to worry about being alone in that gang shit that we are always involved in."
So a few days later, I was sentenced to a year in juvi with my best friend and brother.
6 MONTHS LATER...
Jax and I had somehow made it through 6 months of violence and looking out for ourselves. They tried to keep us separated but they soon realized it was impossible. Jax and I both sported some new scars from being jumped by some of the Mayans sons that were inside as well. One day, the warden came into our cell with four guards, two for each of us.
"Alright boys, it's time to go?" He grumbled
"What are you talking about? Where are we supposed to be going?" Jax questioned.
The warden slapped Jax across the back of the head and I quickly jumped up to hold him back.
"I don't have to answer to you. But you little assholes made parole. It's time to go." He yelled.
The guards entered the cell and ushered us out one at a time. They escorted us to the front where they gave us our belongings and we were allowed to change. Then they walked us to the door where Gemma, Rhyan and our parole officer were waiting for us.
Gemma approached the two of us and wrapped her arms around the two of us, kissing us on the forehead.
"Hi babies. I'm so glad we can go home now." She said looking at both of us.
We just smiled and Rhyan came to hug me.
"I missed you." She said moving to Jax.
I knew she was still hurt. She made that very clear in some of our visits. She also told me that she and Lillah got into a fight and were no longer speaking to each other.
She had her arms around Jax, and he kissed her on the top of her head. She missed him a lot too. He had been inside longer than I had, and she had only seen him in their visits as well. They had also had a few fights in those meetings too. She had a new friend. His name was Adam and she told me quite a bit about him. I knew she liked being around him because he was so normal. He wasn't involved in the life that we were. She also made sure to let Jax and myself that she had no feelings for him whatsoever. I knew she was telling the truth, and so did Jax, but it still made him pretty uncomfortable.
By the time we got home, Gemma and Rhyan had filled us in on all of the things we missed that happened since the last visit we had with them. We pulled up in the driveway of Gemma and Clay's house and went inside. When we walked in the whole club and their families were there to surprise us. They had cooked a meal and we all say down to eat and talk together. We were one big happy family.
Suddenly, the back door flew open and Lillah stormed in.
"What the fuck is this?! You send me on to fucking rehab so you can have a god- damn party to welcome these two pussies back from juvi even though they were too fucking stupid and got caught. And you! You little bitch! Get the fuck out of my house!" She screamed and directed the last bit to Rhyan.
Gemma and Clay rose to their feet moving toward her, but before they could get to her, one of Gemma's glasses flew across the room and hit Lillah in the face. She staggered backwards, her face already cut and everyone including Gemma and Clay whipped around to look at the person who threw it.
Rhyan was standing up and was glaring at Lillah. I had never seen her look at anyone like that before, especially Lillah.
"GASH! You're gonna pay for that!" Lillah shrieked as she ran past her parents and jumped over the table toward Rhyan. Before anyone could react she had tackled Rhye to the floor and began wailing on her. Immediately everyone was on their feet and moved to pull Lillah off of my sister, but Clay stopped them.
"They need this." He whispered and everyone stopped.
The girls' screams were all you could hear. Rhyan finally bested Lillah by doing an arm bar. From there she pinned Lillah on the floor, one hand around her throat, and the other dishing out deadly blows to the face. Everyone's eyes were on Clay. One of the guys, who was originally from Ireland, spoke up.
"Clay, are you just gonna let them do that? I think Rhyan has proved her point... We should do something." He was concerned, but not for Lillah. He loved Rhyan like his own daughter, and he knew Lillah would do something crazy. He was right.
The next thing you know, Lillah shifts her weight around and kicks Rhyan right in the stomach with her steel toed combat boots. Rhyan flew back like a rag doll, and Lillah pulled out a knife.
"Come on bitch!" She smirked feeling like she now has the upper hand.
"Lillah!" Jax yelled.
"Clay!" Gemma shrieked.
Lillah lunged at Rhyan while she was getting up, but she jumped back just in time to avoid the blade. Clay nodded to Chibbs who then wrapped his around around Lillah from behind. She started to fight so another Crow, Tig, jumped I'm to help restrain her. She was screaming something but Gemma told her to shut up.
"Get her out of here! Take her junkie ass back to rehab!" She said as she turned her back and walked to her bedroom.
Rhyan was gone when I turned back around.
"That was quite the welcome home party." Jax laughed and then stated he was going after Rhyan. I followed along as everyone started to clear out.
It took us about thirty minutes to find Rhyan, but she wasn't alone. Her new friend Adam had his arms wrapped around her as she cried on his shoulder. That was all it took for Jax to snap. He took off toward them. When he reached them, they both jerked around to face him. Jax grabbed Adam, and threw him in the dirt. He started punching and kicking him. Everything that he had pent up on the inside and from his fights with Rhyan began to show as he wailed on this scrawny kid.
Rhyan, who was terrified because she knew Jax would wind up killing him, jumped on his back and continued to screech. I finally stepped in and got between Adam and Jax. I pushed him back and Rhyan ran to Adam's side.
"So this is who you chose? This wimp?!" He demanded.
She looked up at him, "If this is who you've become- then yes."
With that she helped her friend to his feet and they walked away. Unbeknownst to us, a cop had been watching the whole thing. He approached and arrested Jax for assault. This of course, was a violation of his parole, and was sent back to Juvi. He wrote Rhyan numerous letters, apologizing, begging her forgiveness and professing his love for her, but she wouldn't have it. She responded once and only once.
"Jax, to say that I don't love you would be a lie. I devoted myself to you, heart and soul, and found nothing but despair. I forgive you, but I can never be with you. You've changed and the life you've chosen is that one that I don't want to be a part of. I'm sorry, but this is it. It's over.
-Rhyan"
He called me in for a visit the day after he received her letter. It ripped him to pieces and fueled his anger. I knew that this would only push him deeper into the life and the club. Jax, was lost, and I was no better.
6 MONTHS LATER...
I had finally turned 16, and I got my license. I had several cars, but Clay had gifted me with a bike for me to work on and make better. Lillah spent so much time of the back of that thing, and Rhyan hated it. Her resentment for the club grew as time went on, and she slowly withdrew all the while breaking Gemma's heart. I knew Rhyan longed for her, but she just couldn't stand seeing Lillah, or hearing about Jax... It hurt her too much. She hated that her best friend had done such awful things like manipulating me, and that her childhood sweetheart did the things that he did. She was sweet, but she wasn't a doormat. She had to remove herself, and sometimes that meant she would remove herself from me as well.
The sad truth of the matter was that I was so much like Jax and Lillah that I knew she secretly resented me too. I was a mixture of them both, and I wanted nothing more than to be a part of the Sons. I longed for danger just as they did, and I relished the thrill and the adrenaline it provided. It was a drug within itself. So Lillah and I looked for something new to get involved in. She was being supervised to make sure she didn't do drugs, but she would get high at night and sneak out with me. The two of us decided to roam around, hit the bars, break into places, and steal cars. We did whatever felt good at the time, and that included sex. She was quite the exhibitionist. I loved her sexual appetite. When she wanted it, she wanted it. She would do anything to get, and she would go wild. That being said, I didn't love her. Despite the attachment that I had to her, I got over calling her my girlfriend and wanting anything remotely serious. She liked to be objectified, so that's what I did. She really didn't mean a whole lot to me at all anymore. She was just... around. I remember the day that she realized that.
I was no stranger to promiscuity myself. I knew how to work girls to get what I wanted. Although Lillah did the same thing, she was stupid enough to believe that I was exclusively hers. So one night she kept calling me, trying to figure out where I was because she wanted to hang out. I finally told her that I was at a party with some friends, but what I didn't mention was the fact that I was in a very private room with a "lady friend." She convinced some people to tell her where the party was, and she showed up. I knew it wouldn't be long. She walked through the house calling my name, and everyone was too afraid to tell her where I was. By the time she had gone through every room to find me I already had the other girl naked and on her knees. I was laid back on the bed, propped up on my elbows anticipating her bursting through the door. When she did, she stood there for a second. The expression on her face proved that she was caught off guard and completely surprised.
She turned around like she was going to leave and then paused. Slowly, she turned back to face me, and the girl that I was in the room with ran out before anything could happen. Lillah stood aside to let her out which was usual for her.
She just stood there glaring at me. That's when she did it. She drew a gun from her pocket; holding it with a piece of cloth to keep her fingerprints from being on it. I immediately recognized it. I had given that gun to her just a few weeks ago because she liked it so much, and it was still registered in my dad's name. I knew my prints were on that gun, but I had no idea what she was going to do.
"You can't be with anyone else. I won't let you." And with that, she turned the gun on herself. She fired two shots. One into her right thigh and the other into her stomach. She threw the gun across the floor toward me and began to scream bloody murder. As people started running to the door to see what happened she dropped to the floor. A few guys ran at me, grabbing my arms.
"Call an ambulance!" Someone yelled
"You sick bastard! You're worse than she is." They chastised.
I just laughed. I laughed to keep from crying, because they had no idea.
4 MONTHS LATER....
I sat in my holding cell anxiously awaiting what would happen next. I had been charged with attempted murder and manslaughter on the account that Lillah was pregnant and when she shot herself in the stomach she killed her baby. Our baby.
The little bitch set it all up. She had been keeping evidence and scheming just in case the day came when she realized I wasn't truly hers.
Jax, Gemma, Clay and Rhyan had been to visit a few times. At first it was only Rhyan because the others didn't want to see me. They thought I did it. That was until the doctor told them that they looked self inflicted, especially considering how far away I was standing. Of course my lawyer presented this to the court, but that didn't stop them from locking me up for months. In fact, I'm pretty sure they enjoyed it.
I knew all too well the sense of abandonment that it made me feel. My father had long since established that feeling within me. As much as I hated him, I missed him just as much. I knew he would be at the trial today when they presented their verdict, and I wanted to see him. Hot tears began to stream down my face as I thought about how simple things used to be. My dad would play catch with me and Rhyan in the yard, wrestle with us, kiss my mom, give us hugs. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I heard him say he loved me. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I heard anyone say they loved me. Was this why I acted the way I did? Because I wanted someone, anyone to just pay attention. Even though I knew Gemma and Clay loved me like another son, I really wasn't. They knew it and I knew it.
An overwhelming sense of grief flooded me. I was alone. I had been for a long time, but I couldn't just blame others. It was just as equally my fault.
Just then, the bailiff walked up to the cell door. He opened it smoothly, and held out his hand. I stood, and out my hands behind my back, allowing him to cuff me. That was the longest walk of my life, because I knew that in just a few moments I would know my fate.
We entered the court room and I was placed behind the table with my attorney. I looked around and saw all of those smiling familiar faces. I waved slightly to acknowledge them. I could see the nervousness in their eyes. I kept looking though. The one person I thought would be there was my father, but I quickly realized he wasn't.
Bastard. I thought. You would think that he would've at least come hoping I would go to jail and be out of his hair for good.
At the point I zoned out, focusing all of my energy on controlling my boiling rage. That's when I heard the words, "Not guilty, your honor."
I didn't react. I let the bailiff unlock my handcuffs and Gemma came to wrap her arms around my neck.
"Oh baby. I'm so glad! I love you baby boy. I love you." I started to cry into her shoulder. She pulled back and looked me in the eye. She knew. Gemma understood a lot more than people gave her credit for, and maybe I was wrong to think she didn't really see me as her son.
They took me home. Daniella greeted me at the door, and went to cook dinner. That's when I heard the sounds of laughter coming from upstairs, and the that rage, that blinding rage came over me, and I blacked out.
I woke up covered in blood and my unconscious father laying on the floor in front of me. I didn't even care.
So I packed some things, and left for Gemma's. I don't know why I had thought of this along time ago.
She met me at the door and welcomed me in. There I stayed with my best friend and my adopted parents until my graduation. That's when I packed up and headed for Tulsa with Rhyan. Hoping to give us a fresh start.
